


Coping 8:  Dialed Down

by Grey (grey853)



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Series: Coping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 04:22:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grey853/pseuds/Grey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Without his partner, Jim loses control of his senses.<br/>This story is a sequel to Coping 7.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coping 8:  Dialed Down

## Coping 8: Dialed Down

by Grey

Author's webpage: <http://grey.ravenshadow.net/>

* * *

Title: Coping 8: Dialed Down 1/1  
Author: Grey  
E-mail address: Grey853@aol.com  
Rating: PG-13 for language, not sex or violence Pairing: J/B, but only Jim and Simon talk in this one Status: New/Complete  
Date: April 17, 1998  
Archive: Yes, to both  
Archive email: Grey853@aol.com  
Series/Sequel: 8th in the Coping series. Other website: <http://grey.ravenshadow.net/>

* * *

Disclaimer: I'd love to have these guys for just hanging around the house in tight, ass-gripping jeans, but hey, they aren't mine, so I'll play another way. 

WARNING: This story deals with the issue of domestic abuse. If that's a major issue for you, SKIP it. There's no violence in this one though and the background on Jim's abusive tendencies is developed here. 

Notes: You really need to read parts 3-7 to understand what's going on in this. You can find them at my website, thanks to Shirley, or eventually the archive. It's getting close to revelations, but I'm just easing into it. Be patient. 

Coping 8: Dialed Down 1/1 

"Hey, Brown." 

"Yeah, man?" 

"Got any aspirin?" Jim Ellison rubbed his forehead with a vengeance. The pounding came in an odd pattern, first rapid throbbing and then sharp pains, followed by a roll of nausea highlighted with flashing party lights. Fortunately, all the usual blast of fluctuating background sounds played at normal levels. The sentinel deal was dead. 

"Sure, man." The fellow detective retrieved the bottle from his bottom drawer and handed them over. "You're looking a little green there, Jim. Maybe you oughta go home. It's been light today." 

Jim squeezed his eyes shut against the invasive image of the loft. He couldn't go home, not yet. Home with Blair made for a time bomb lately, one that he refused to detonate. 

"No. I'll be all right. It's probably just all this paper work. Payback for being so far behind." 

"I hear that. Say, when's Blair coming back, man? I miss Hairboy." 

"Some time next week." Maybe. 

"Well, tell the guy I said hi. Now, I've got to go cause I got a hearing in less than 15 minutes and you know how the Captain gets if I'm late to a court date." 

"Better hustle then, man." Jim popped three aspirin and swallowed them dry as Brown took off. He coughed a few times, the bitter trail clawing at his throat. He grabbed a cup of water to relieve it, finding the dullness of it a comfort. He started to turn back to his last report when he heard Simon's voice. 

"Ellison. I need to see you in my office." 

"Yes, sir." As he stood, he fought off a slight wave of dizziness. His head hurt even worse when he tensed up his muscles to remain standing. His balance steadied quickly and he walked into his captain's office using his best Jim can behave when he wants to moves. 

Closing the door, Simon handed him a file. "Read that." 

"What is it?" 

"Just read it first. Then we'll talk." 

Jim opened up the file only to have his vision blink out. "Damn, Simon, what just happened? I can't see." 

"What? What do you mean you can't see?" 

Blind blue eyes looked in the direction of the voice. Just as suddenly as it left, his eyesight returned. "Simon?" 

"You back on line there?" The strained, gravely voice matched the twist of his features. 

"That's damn strange. For a second there I couldn't see anything." 

"But you can now?" 

"Yeah. It's a little fuzzy, but yeah, I can see okay. That's weird." 

Simon shook his head. "Jim, do me a favor. Try looking at the file again and see what happens." 

Confused, the roar in his head growing louder, Jim leaned back. "Give me a minute. I just took some aspirin, but they haven't kicked in yet." 

"Looks like something else has though." Simon sat on the edge of the desk and crossed his arms around his chest. 

"What are you taking about?" 

"Jim, I want you to try looking at that folder again." 

Simon's stubborn demand forced the detective to take a deep breath and turn his attention back to the file. As soon as he glanced down, the world dove back into darkness. "Shit, Simon. What's going on here?" 

Still sightless, he felt his captain remove the file from his grip. As soon as he did, Jim's world returned to light. Bringing his hands to his face, Jim frantically rubbed his burning eyes to erase the unpleasant after effect of temporary blindness. His overworked lungs pumped his breathing, squeezing stubborn, rebellious air in and out. 

His captain's hand on his shoulder again warmed his skin and helped him focus on the husky voice. "Jim, are you okay?" 

Finally, he managed to wrestle his tongue into submission. "What just happened, Simon? What's in that file?" 

The captain put the mystery folder on the desk behind him and then sat down in a chair at the table across from his detective. "Jim, I want you to listen to me for a minute. I think Blair's been able to give us a shoe in the door to figure out this problem of yours." 

"What's Blair done and what's this got to do with this damn blindness thing?" Still massaging his face, he tried to push away the picture of his lover. He didn't want to think of his guide right that moment, couldn't bare to deal with the crippling guilt that attached itself to his bruised image. 

"We talked this morning and he told me his theory. I swear I thought he was nuts." 

"You think we're both nuts, sir." 

"Well, yeah, but for a different reason. Anyway, he wanted me to try something to see what happened. I sure as hell didn't expect him to be right." 

"You want to enlighten me a little about what's going on, because you're losing me here, Simon." 

"Jim, that file was a compilation of a lot of different reports on your father. Everything from night runs to your address for domestic arguments to a social worker's investigation about child abuse." 

"My father? No way, Simon? This is crazy. Sure, he did some mean things sometimes, but nothing that would need investigating." Even as he spoke, he noticed how words faded in and out, echoed and hid in the corners of the room. 

"Blair's the one who wanted me to check out whether there had ever been any complaints against your father." 

A firestorm rushed through his skin. Anger painted his words. "He had no right to do that." 

"Why not, Jim? What are you so afraid we'll find out, that your father had all kinds of complaints?" 

"No, it's just I don't like where this seems to be headed." 

"And where's that, the truth?" 

"Sounds like a witch hunt. Leave my father out of this." The train wreck settled in his head, twisted metal and rail wrapped around his memories. Everything ran together, mangled and unclear. 

"That's a little hard to do now. Blair was right. When I showed you the file, you literally couldn't see what was right in front of you." 

"What was it I couldn't see, Simon? Are you telling me that was a report about my dad hurting my mom?" 

"Apparently before your mother divorced your father there were a couple of domestic runs to your house. Now, I had to really dig to find that because it was so long ago. You've got to remember that it was a different time. Your father had money. A couple of black and whites would show up at the door, your mom would be roughed up, but wouldn't press charges. Back then, the rule was a man's house, Jim. The women didn't have much safety." 

"They still don't." 

"Neither do some men." 

Leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, Jim felt his stomach heave, vertigo spinning him around. Fighting back the urge to vomit, he focused on trying to breathe, to stave off the rising panic. After several minutes the spasms calmed and he whispered. "Simon, I swear I don't remember any of what you're talking about. I hardly even remember what my mom looked like." 

"I know. I'm beginning to see that now. I'm beginning to see a lot of things. Jim, the reports also mention a social worker's report about child abuse. I had a reference number, but the paperwork isn't there. I don't suppose you remember anything like that?" 

"Simon, you're making this up. There was nothing like that." 

"You're saying it never happened or that you don't remember?" 

"Please, don't play word games with me about this." 

"I'm not, Jim." He paused for a moment and then continued "Anyway, Blair thinks that two of you need to get together and work through this tonight. Do you think you want to do that? It's been two weeks now and you've done pretty well about controlling your temper. In fact, amazingly you haven't even gotten pissed off once." 

"I can't risk seeing him alone if that's what you're asking. I'm not ready yet. I could probably do it, if you were there though." 

Simon nodded in agreement. "That's what I told him. I wouldn't even dream of letting out on your own just yet." 

Raising his head, he met sad, concerned eyes studying him. "What is it you're not telling me, Simon?" 

"I knew there was a reason you're my best detective." 

"So, what is it?" 

"Well, two things really. First, Blair still doesn't know you've lost your sentinel abilities. That kind of surprised me. I would've thought you'd tell him when you two talked on the phone." 

"He was already too upset about having me move into your place, Simon. I thought I'd just wait and see if they came back. To be honest it wouldn't bother me if they were gone for good." 

"But Blair doesn't think that way, does he? In fact, the last time this happened, you two had a lot of arguments." 

"Yeah, we did, but I never hurt him then." He closed his eyes to fight off the recurring sensation of Blair's hands trying to calm him after Incacha's death. He'd gone really apeshit, and yet he'd never hit him. God, then why couldn't he stop hurting the man he loved so much now? His eyes stung slightly as he dialed his hearing back up from zero. 

"True, but with your enhanced senses gone, you still had a lot more tension than usual until you got that under control, right?" 

"What's your point here, Simon?" 

"I'm just thinking out loud for a minute, Jim. I'll let Blair present his theories tonight." 

"You said there were two things, Simon. What's the other?" 

"Well, depending on how this thing goes tonight, I was thinking about taking you off restricted duty." 

Sitting up straight again, Jim breathed more evenly. "I'd appreciate that, Simon. If there's a hell, my assignment for eternity will be to do everybody's paperwork." 

"Sounds about right." The captain let out a brief chuckle. 

"What?" 

"I was just thinking that if Blair believed in hell, he'd probably envision being on stake out forever." 

"Yeah, in winter and in a truck with no heater." 

"Yep." 

"God, I miss him, Simon. I'm such a shit." 

"I miss him, too. And yeah, sometimes you are, but I'm beginning to see that there may be a reason for that." 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Tonight, Jim. Now go finish that paperwork while I finish up these quarterly finance sheets." 

"You telling me to go to hell, Simon?" 

"Sounds right to me. Now get out of here. And don't forget. You've got an appointment with Dr. Michael's at three." 

"Did I mention my other version of hell?" 

"Let me guess, a permanent seat on the couch?" 

"Yeah, with a shrink who gives you homework where you have to write about your feelings and share." 

"Oh, my god, not your feelings. Anything but that." 

"Don't make fun, Simon. One day when you least expect it, you may wake up as a headcase. Then I'll be laughing out my ass." 

"Yeah, well, if I wake up crazy, I'm at least going to a doctor who doesn't give homework. Now, stop stalling and get back to those papers." 

Jim turned and left the office, closing his boss's door. As he settled behind his desk, he found himself punching up the data file that had Blair's consultant pass picture. His face on the screen, looking over his shoulder, made sitting there without him easier somehow. God, he wanted his lover back. He didn't deserve his guide, but then who deserved grace? He almost looked forward to his session with Michaels, so afterwards he could finally go see Blair. It had to work out. He couldn't live much longer without his guide, senses or no senses. Being lost made him just too damn lonely to live. 

The End of Part 8 


End file.
